Internal Battle of the Higher & Lower Self

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Dear Readers:

For the past few days, I have been observing an internal battle between my Higher and Lower Self. It has been even more intensified, almost unbearable. I have also been experiencing a tearing away of beliefs of what I thought was my TRUTH.

So after a weekend of feeling stuck and in my head, I meditated in the late night to early morning and was given the following revelation.

I am not who I think I am. All along, I have been identifying with this body as my sense of self. Even though, I have done workshops, attended seminars and trainings, read many books, there was still a part of me that felt I was my body. I have realized that Truth is first introduced to the conscious mind, yet, it’s like a seed that requires nourishing and watering, or it will become easily buried in the accumulation of information and non-sense.

So, a little background before I explain my discovery. Since childhood I was always on the search for truth. I joined many churches and religions and could not find rest for my soul. I was raised in Jamaica where most of the churches are based on Christianity. So, my foundational beliefs of God were the following:

  • God/Source lived in the sky and the devil lived outside and were two separate forces that existed outside of me.
  • I believed that God/ Source was distant and a very angry punishable God. Concept of right and wrong.
  • I believed that Jesus Christ was God
  • I believed that I was a sinner, unworthy and corrupt in God’s sight.

These are only a few of the beliefs I acquired as a child. Now, after some years of purging, I have been able to pluck up some of those roots and start re-planting seeds of what I consider to be TRUTH. I am still in the learning process, plucking and re-planting phase, yet, I will share my personal awareness thus far.

Last night, I was guided to meditate on detaching from the physical body as my sense of self and to truly 100% believe that I was more than the physical. So I directed my attention to space and the formless in my immediate surroundings and allowed myself to melt into it simply by observing space. Then, the awareness of the truth of the Higher and Lower Self became more real.

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In the bible, it describes the fall of Lucifer/the Devil from the Heavens into earth. It describes that Lucifer became filled with pride and felt he could out-beat God. He felt puffed up and started to Edge God Out (aka EGO). It seems that at first, the Higher and Lower Self were operating as ONE in the formless. However, when the ego’s consciousness changed from oneness to separation, it became more dense and is now the representation of the physical form.

To this date, there is still that rift of anger and separation between the aspect of Self that is GOD. The Higher Self of all of us is God/Source and the Lower Self is the unaligned Ego (aka devil in bible terms) that exists within, not outside. To this date, the ego believes it is in control and most of us believe that we are the physical body, yet, we have forgotten that we have another aspect of ourselves, which is the Higher Self, the formless.

So recently, I noticed that the force of the ego was very strong and unwilling to change and surrender to the will of my Higher Self. Despite my efforts, I felt like my light was being held down by a BIG FUCK U to my Higher Self. Meanwhile, I’m feeling and seeing this occur and I felt like I wanted to run out of my skin. So allowing rather than resisting the experience made it more easier for me to handle.

The Higher Self is pure awareness, without form, the observer, like SPACE. The Lower Self believes it is the physical form and has the consciousness of being small, restricted and requires a lot of self importance.  I realized that everyone walking on this earth is God in expression. That each one of us has a higher self and lower self, and the collective Higher Self is God and the collective Lower Self is the Ego. Therefore, we are not separate but ONE at its true Source. We simply have different FORMS & BELIEFS OF TRUTH.

Often times, I have had great judgment on my lower self and habitual patterns that seem unaligned with my True Self. I have realized that the Higher Self and Lower Self cannot live without each other. I cannot get rid of the Lower Self, it must be acknowledged and brought into alignment with the Higher Self. They are ONE. Most new age teachings train us to ignore the negative thoughts and ignore our feelings of anger, hatred, etccc. This only builds up and projects itself unto others and into the world’s unconscious. At first, this was my coping mechanism, however, it only became worse. Positive thinking isn’t the all in all, get real and feel it all. What happens when you lock up a beast in a cage?

The lower self ego is like a child, it requires attention, non-judgment and unconditional love, or else, if it feels like it’s existence is being threatened, it will do anything to survive. It is simply a defense program or creation that was designed on purpose to do this.  Getting rid of it is unwise. So, working together in harmony is key.

I will continue to share my awarenesses with you all as I continue my self discovery.

I would love to hear your comments everyone, if you are experiencing the heightening of this internal battle, please feel free to share.

Love

Toni-Ann

Please note that the information above is considered to be my personal awareness of truth. These discoveries are in no way declared as the absolute truth.  I am still on my journey of discovery, therefore, the above information is subject to change if a Higher Truth is revealed. Thank you.

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